Baby Mama Burnout. That’s what I call it. “BMB.” When a stay at home mom (or any mom, really) hasn’t had time away from her kids for months, years even, and her heart and soul just longs for time alone. Time to do something – anything – without the threat of someone calling her name 5 minutes into her chosen activity. She yearns for a few moments where she can sit and watch something on TV with real live actors in it. It’s a struggle, and it’s REAL.
I recently reached the tipping point of BMB where I felt if I didn’t have some time to be alone with myself, I was going to lose myself. Lucky for me, my husband had a business trip coming up he asked me to tag along on, and my parents were willing to watch my two sweet, bundles of energy for three days so I could reclaim my sanity. (Note to self: follow-up post on grandparents’ adventures alone with the kids.) So, I packed a bag (one bag?!) and off we went.
DAY 1
The first day was mostly travel. But, it was travel with just my husband, which felt odd at first. I soon began to remember what it was like to only have to carry one small bag and no snacks, juice cups, or bottles. The flight was smooth, and the cab ride to the hotel was uneventful.
I got checked into the hotel, and my husband got settled into his office. With my Roku plugged in, I sat and watched 3 episodes of “Scandal” uninterrupted. Then I took a shower over 5 minutes long and watched more “Scandal” while writing some blog posts. No one called my name or shouted, “Juice, now!” or tugged on my pant leg. It was amazing.
We went out to dinner that night, and I had an adult beverage (maybe two). We had adult conversation that didn’t revolve around how best to discipline our 3-year-old, or how are finances were shaking out this month. It was like old times.
DAY 2
I slept 9 uninterrupted hours. Actually, I woke up early (when I normally would at home), then realized I didn’t have to be up and went back to sleep. I couldn’t remember the last time that happened. My husband headed off to his office for meetings, and I went to the gym. WHAT?! Working out without pushing a stroller? Without putting “Bubble Guppies” on the TV in my home gym hoping someone doesn’t try to jump on the Bosu (they always do). I felt a twinge of guilt. After all, I am a certified pre- and postnatal fitness instructor. What am I doing working out without babies? I got over the guilt and got my sweat-on anyway. It was awesome.
After my sweat session, I enjoyed another >5 minute long shower, and pulled out my laptop to get more writing done. At this point, I got a text from my parents: “Can you Facetime with A?”
Of course, I could Facetime. No matter what, I always have time for my kiddos. When I saw A’s adorable face, listened to him tell me about playing all of Papa’s “instruments” (my parents are retired music teachers), I started to get a pang of longing for a hug from my boy.
We chatted for a little bit, I saw my daughter for a few moments, and then their need to see Mommy passed and the kids were off to play with something else. I began the huge task of sorting through all the photos we took over the past year so they can be put in our family yearbook and new photo calendars could be made for Christmas presents. As I saw my babies in each of the photos and remarked at how much they’ve grown over the past year, my heart ached. I missed my babies.
DAY 3
Another travel day. My hubby headed out early for a meeting. I packed things up, checked out of the hotel, and rode by myself to the airport. I was headed home to see my babies, and I can’t wait to hug and kiss them. At the airport, I sought out presents for the littles, to let them know I was thinking of them the entire time I was gone and that I missed them. Oh, so very much.
My soul was refreshed. It was so good to be able to have that little time to myself. As a mom, it is so very easy to get lost in your kids and your family. It feels natural to put everyone else first and put your needs and desires on the backburner. But, if you function like that on a daily basis, you will lose yourself. You will lose sight of everything that makes you YOU. Yes, once you have children your priorities change. But, I don’t believe you should lose your individuality.
Mamas, I encourage each and every one of you to recognize when you are reaching that critical point of Baby Mama Burnout, and have the courage to go off by yourself. Most of the time you won’t have the opportunity to go off for three days and watch Netflix in a hotel room. I was lucky. But, you should never be ashamed to say “I need a time out,” leave the kids with someone dependable, and go and grab yourself a latte. Or maybe watch a few episodes of “Scandal” on your tablet.
