Motherhood, Juxtaposed.

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Motherhood is being exhausted beyond all reason, yet still having an urge to get more things done.

It’s pride that your child is growing and learning, and unexplainable grief that they will never be this small again.

It’s giving everything you have, every day, and still feeling like you haven’t given enough.

It’s finding clothes that cover your new body and insecurities and being half naked at all times.

It’s finally taking a long shower after too many days without, only to be spit up on the moment you’ve toweled off.

It’s loving your spouse in a completely new way, and struggling through marriage as new parents.

It’s the longest days and nights, and the shortest days and nights.

It’s exercising, meal planning, grocery shopping, and eating a bowl of ice cream for dinner.

It’s packing away clothes that your baby grew out of before they could wear because they have so many, and you not having anything to wear on a night out with your partner.

It’s thinking your baby is the most beautiful in the world, and still making sure you choose the best filter.

It’s an all-consuming love for this tiny being, and a thought of walking away forever when they won’t stop crying.

It’s a never-ending series of thoughts of schedules, and feedings, and bedtimes interrupted by giggles and smiles that turn your brain to mush.

It’s wishing they were older and less dependent on you for everything, and wishing they would stay tiny forever.

It’s feeling like you’re a good mom one day, and wondering how badly you’re screwing them up the next.

It’s hoping that you can survive until their bedtime, and missing them as soon as they’re asleep.

It’s busy days of accomplishments, and days where you never change out of your pajamas.

It’s feeling like you have some control over things, and then wondering how people dumber than you get through it.

It’s disappointment when you pass a mirror, and a smirk of pride at what your body created.

It’s a new appreciation for a hot meal and a hot shower.

It’s losing friends, and finding friends that will last a lifetime.

It’s wondering what in the world you did with all of your time before you became a parent, and celebrating when you have an hour to yourself.

It’s realizing your mother did all of this, and wondering if she was just as tired.

It’s the most agonizing stress, and the greatest blessing of a lifetime.

Kissel'15