5 Words of Encouragement for the First Time Mom

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Being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever done.

Like most new moms, I had romanticized ideas of what it was going to be like to have a baby. Sure I knew it was going to be “hard”. But I had no idea what that even meant until I was standing in my baby’s room at 2:00 in the morning feeling like a zombie and trying to manage these incredible emotions.

No, not emotions of love, joy and overwhelming gratitude. I’m talking about anger, frustration and overwhelming inadequacy.

And oh, the insecurity! Second guessing Every. Single. Decision. I spent hours wondering if I was doing everything right, was my baby getting enough milk, sleep, tummy time, touch? Did I let him cry too long? Will he be damaged because I didn’t baby wear him 24/7? Will he never sleep on his own because he fell asleep while eating? Oh my gosh, I am getting stressed out again just writing this.

You know what? It gets better. And now that I am out of the woods with my two babies, this is what I have to say.

1. It will get better.

When I was in the throes of the newborn stage, second guessing every move, sleep deprived and so emotional, my mom said to me, “It will get better. I know you’re probably tired of people telling you that, but it WILL get better.” I said, “No, I’m not tired of people telling me that! I was beginning to wonder if it was going to be like this forever!” In my new mom life with no previous experience and a very limited view of the future, I truly had no idea if it would ever get any better. I’m here to tell you: it will.

2. It’s normal to have bad feelings about your baby.

Here again, we have another situation where someone close to me was brave enough to speak words of wisdom into my life! Before I even had a baby, one of my best friends passed on these words to me that were passed on to her before she became a mom: “It’s normal to have bad feelings about your baby.”

And by golly, if I didn’t hold on to those words in the middle of the night when I literally had the thought, “If this baby died right now, all of this would just go away.” I feel embarrassed to admit that, seven years out, but it must be said. I had those thoughts. I understood why people shook babies. Because you’re just so tired. And they won’t stop crying. And they wake up 30 minutes after you lay them down – just when you thought you were going to get a little sleep.

This will happen. And it’s normal. You are not a bad person. 

3. You will sleep again.

I don’t know when it will happen. But it will. I promise. Baby sleep books are the devil. They get in your mind and tell you you’re doing everything wrong. There are so many freaking opinions about baby sleep but that is another post for another day. (If you’re in the midst of this right now, please read I Read All The Baby Sleep Books to make yourself feel better.)

Whatever method you take to get your baby to sleep it’s probably going to be fine. The point I’m trying to make is that it will happen. The days of being sleep deprived will end. Eventually, you will feel human again. Oh, you’ll probably always be tired, but your baby (toddler?) will eventually sleep through the night! If you feel like you need additional help, it’s okay to ask for help

4. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Those infant days are filled with second-guessing. There are blogs, books, magazines, Facebook groups and a million other outlets that will make you feel like there is one chosen way to raise your baby and you are a horrible mother for considering otherwise.

Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. Turn off those outlets. Put down your phone. Look at your baby and search your heart. What resonates with you?

Cut yourself some slack. Let some things go. I don’t know if I cleaned my floors my entire first year of parenthood. Don’t feel guilty if your house is a mess. Don’t feel guilty if you hire a cleaner.

My theory is: you get a one year pass when you have a baby. You figure out what needs to be included in that pass: public outings, the gym, getting dressed, cleaning your oven, whatever. And let it go. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

5. It will be easier next time.

Usually. Of course, there are going to be exceptions. My second child cried non stop for about six of his first eight weeks. That was harder than my first, but the second time around I had a much different mindset. I knew it would get better. I knew that I was going to have bad feelings about my baby. I knew that I would eventually sleep again. And I wasn’t too hard on myself. I gave myself a pass for that first year.

What was easier the second time was that I didn’t struggle so much with all of the insecurities and wondering if I was doing it all right. I knew that chances were, everything was going to be just fine. I had survived once and I knew I could do it again. So can you. If you want to.

Please tuck this post away and pull it out to read when you need a little encouragement! You can do this, Mama!