This isn’t what I had planned to write about. Not even close. But as I am always reminded by online Myers-Briggs Typology tests (which I retake periodically to see if I’ve changed from an ENFP into something else, because Hello, Perceiving type!), I prefer improvisation to careful planning. I also won’t pretend to have ever read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, but I have read enough articles, blog posts and comments section screeds referencing it to have a general idea of the “leaning in” concept. And what I have come to realize sitting here simultaneously exhausted from the summertime school break and dreading the return of school year volunteer commitments, is that we moms are pretty freaking terrible at leaning out. Whether we’re taking on extra projects at work to prove our totally-not-compromised-by-family-life commitment to our employer or volunteering for another committee, cause, craft show because, hey, we don’t work work so we’ve got the time….
Simplicity/Minimalism websites and blogs can be very seductive for moms who feel like their plates are too full because they offer a (simple) solution: say “no.” I admit to having browsed a few of these recently, searching for some kind of key to help quell the middle of the night worry/to-do lists. And since removing 2/3 of our household’s possessions seems anything but feasible right now, the most logical advice to follow is the “just say no” mantra. But how realistic is it really? Right now I am committed to:
- The PTA board, which will began meeting again in July
- My daughter’s Daisy troop, for which I am a co-leader
- My local moms’ group, in which I am part of the leadership team
- This blog, which I dearly love being a part of
- The biggest freelance PR project I have undertaken since I stopped working many moons ago
And all of these are separate from the summer swim lessons and sporadic day camps that I have to remember to get my kids to (and pick them back up from). AND they are separate from my daytime life of all-in child wrangling/cooking/waking up early to exercise so my blood sugar stays stable. These are all the extra things that can only take place once my husband has gotten home from work and/or the kids are in bed for the night.
Just reading this makes my blood pressure spike. But the thing is, I can go back and annotate this list with all of the very good reasons that I am involved in each and every activity. And those reasons mean a lot to me, especially as someone who isn’t in the workforce, bringing home the bacon (and to be literal for a second, my husband, apart from bringing it home, actually cures and smokes his own bacon and cooks it for us each weekend). So here’s my annotated list:
- The PTA board, which will began meeting again in July
- My daughter’s school absolutely rocks, a good friend encouraged me to join the board, I’m an ideas person, and I’m nosy.
- My daughter’s Daisy troop, for which I am a co-leader
- I loved being in Girl Scouts as a kid, I love watching our troop girls bond and learn and grow, and I love getting to spend time with the other troop leaders, who have become good friends.
- My local moms’ group, in which I am part of the leadership team
- My life in our current part of town would not be the same without these awesome women, and after two years in the group, I thought it was time to step up and take on a minor leadership role.
- This blog, which I dearly love being a part of
- One of the best decisions I have made in a long time! I am thrilled to have the creative outlet and to be part of such a cool and entertaining resource for our city.
- The biggest freelance PR project I have undertaken since I stopped working many moons ago
- I was approached by an incredibly talented friend to help promote a project of hers and it couldn’t be a more perfect fit for me given the subject matter and location. It’s exciting!
I’m sure every single one of us could annotate our commitment lists in a similar fashion. And therein lies the rub–we’re busy because on some level we want to be, because to remove items from the list would often mean removing pieces of our hearts, minds and social lacing. This last one is the biggie for me. All but one of the above commitments were either initiated or cemented by people who are important to me. And while at times those social laces can feel a bit too tightly bound, more often they bolster and keep me upright, secure and happy in my path.
So that’s why I’m “leaning in” in my own way, this year and for the foreseeable future. Because for me at least, it’s more fun and rewarding than the alternative.
Do you ever feel over-committed? I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts in the comments!
