The Reality of the Situation. Being a Mom of Multiples

I was sitting at my dentist office waiting for an appointment.  A nice woman in her 50’s walked in and took a seat next to me. We exchanged a head nod and I went back to my phone looking at my calendar. I realized I needed to make an appointment for my 2.5-year-old twins for the fall.

I headed up to the desk and made my appointment. The nice lady overheard my exchange with the receptionist. I sat back down and the lady says:

“Twins huh? I have fraternal Girls they are 25 now. I made it to 34 weeks.”

Awe a twin mom!! When we parents of multiples meet other twin moms out in the wild we have an instant spark. I mean it is legit love at first sight.  We just get each other. Part of the exchange is always disclosing our “stats”. It is just what we do. It is almost like a secret sorority handshake.  We mention the following:

Fraternal or Identical, sexes, how many weeks, and how old.

I always chuckle at these little exchanges and the instant bond I have with another parent of multiples. They just get the reality of the situation which is so utterly hard to put into words unless you have lived it.

I looked at her and said, “That is awesome. I also have fraternal girls they are 2.5 years old. I made it to 36 weeks.”

The nice lady then replied,  “Ah, you are rounding the corner to age 3. You have made it past the initiation phase. Congrats.”

I just chuckled, “Yeah it has been a crazy few years.”

My husband and I always knew we wanted to have kids. We were married only 6 short months when I became pregnant. Never in my wildest dreams did I think there would be two little heartbeats on that ultrasound in March of 2013. It was literally the biggest shock of my life.

I have found over the years that I would learn a lot about being a mom of 2 at the same time.

I became enlightened to the world of parenting twins and how to make it all work.  There really is only one way to describe my first years with twins, humbling. It is so humbling. I’m talking extreme fatigue, extreme body changes, mixed in with one hell of a learning curve. It really does strip you down to your core. It defiantly changes you in a great way.

Along the way, I have learned a thing or two about multiples. I have found that there will be tons of assumptions, questions, endless planning, hard choices and gawking.

P.S. Sorry this post is mostly in list and bullet points. It is just how my mind thinks. Winks.

The Questions

There are just endless amounts of questions from strangers, friends, and family members.  I too had my own questions about the situation:

• “Will I carry to term?”
• “How will I deliver them?”
• “How will I manage feeding two at once solo?”
• “Will I ever sleep?”
• “How we will pay for two of everything at the same time?”

Those are questions I wrestled with for a long time. Then comes questioning from perfectly nice strangers just intrigued by it all. Here is the run down followed by my typical answers:

“Do twins run in your family?”

• They do now.

“Are they natural?”  

• All kids are natural (I don’t know why the topic of how we conceived our multiples intrigues the public but it does. They just have to know if the pregnancy occurred “au natural” or if you had help. If you must ask, we prefer you ask if the pregnancy was spontaneous. Not if our kids are natural. Okey Dokey? To be honest in reality we prefer you don’t ask at all, but you know people are people. Any-who, yes, I had a spontaneous twin pregnancy. Just wanted to give a friendly PSA on this topic).

“Who is older?”

• It really doesn’t matter, but she is by 48 seconds.

“How do you tell them apart?”

• How do you tell your kids apart? (nah… I’ll tell you…hehehe)

“What is it like to have twins?”

• It is all I know so it is normal to me.

Assumptions

Lots of times I have found that others have assumptions about the world of multiples. It always intrigues me the things people just assume. Here are the big 3:

1. The thought that twins will hit developmental milestones at the same time. WRONG.
2. The assumption that once you have multiples you are done having kids. NOPE. I have a secret to tell you. For those of us who only have twins, we kind of want to experience what it would be like to have one at a time (just for giggles and grins). We just like kids and do want more….sooo…..
3. People seem to believe you live in a constant state of chaos. NOT REALLY. In general, we really do have it under control. People ask all the time, “Wow it must be nuts at home, is it just crazy all the time?”  I stop and think.  Yes totally crazy at times. However, the majority of the time we have a good flow going on. Like any parent, we all have our bad days and moments. In general, we got it. Thanks for asking. 

The Plan

Your life is nothing but logistics.  I learned this 3 days into the new job as a twin mom. I needed a schedule.  So yeah, moms of multiple are a breed of their own when it comes to the schedule. We live by it.

There is a ton of logistics involved. A lot of time my mind is thinking  3 steps ahead. I need to know things for my sanity.  So when friends and family say: “Let’s go out for a playdate” or “Let’s go on a vacation!” Moms of multiples mom’s heads start spinning:

• “Is that activity in an enclosed space (I need this for containment)?”
• “Where are the automatic doors for my double stroller?”
• “Where is the family restroom?”
• “How am I going to get two kids inside who don’t walk?”
• “Will there be an elevator or a ramp?”
• “Will there be a double cart?”
• “How do I fly with two lap children?”

It just goes on and on. Moving two little humans at the exact same stage of life can be very difficult when done solo.

Hard Choices

Parenting is just a serious of choices. In the end, you pray that you made the right ones.

With multiples, we have the same hard choices with just some extra flare. The choices like:

• same bedroom or separate
• Same classroom or in different classes
• Same sports teams or separate
• Potty training
• Or the age old discussion: “One is ready for x, y, z and the other isn’t?

There is no way to know if you are doing it right. No clue if you made the right choice for your children. You just have to know at the end of the day you did your best and know you made the best decision with the information you had at the time.

Gawking 

I mean this in the nicest most loving motherly way… twins are weird. I love their unique bond. It is so fun to watch multiples grow and play together. They learn so much from having someone of their exact same age. Yes, they can fight like cat and dogs. Twin fights can be epic. But then they are so loving the next minute. It is a bond unlike anything I have ever witnesses. They have their weird twin moments.

Yes, they do have their own words for things. They have the ability to know when the other is sick. They know what the other needs or wants without saying a word.

I think a lot about this cool bond. I think to myself sometimes that it would be so fabulous if all people came into this world as pairs. There is so much joy to be had to have a built in life partner. I sit and stare at my twins and it reminds me why so many strangers are intrigued. I am their mother and I find myself just gawking at them too. I now understand that the stares we get in public are just out of innocent curiosity. Yes, the looks can get so annoying at times, but it is just part of the gig. I do hear all the little mumbles from people passing by saying:

“Look twins, she must have her hands full”

“Double Trouble” (such a classic).

Now that my girls are older they have started to notice the looks they get. They just now respond “yes we are twins.” I know they don’t know what that means. I am assuming in a year or two they will be wondering what the fuss is about.

I didn’t choose the life of twins, it chose me. I am proud mom of  Twins. It has been humbling and hilarious. It has been a wild ride these first 3 years.

Until next time…